We all know we should ‘manage’ our stress to stay mentally and physically healthy. We are told by doctors, apps, research and wellness gurus that we’ll feel better with less stress, but it is easier said than done. Life simply is stressful; there are bills to pay, relationships to navigate, places to be, jobs to do, to name a few. We all have stresses we cannot eliminate or control, it is part of being alive. Ironically, trying and failing to lessen our stress can leave us feeling helpless in the face of it all.
In therapy, part of what we do is look at lessening and eliminating stress where we can and reframing our experiences where possible to better understand sources of stress. There will always be things we cannot easily change, or that we are in the process of working on that are still present. We begin this exercise by accepting the stress in our lives as a normal and expected part of the experience of being alive, whilst looking at strategies to monitor levels and manage feelings associated with increasing stress.
There’s a simple little visual exercise I like to use personally and with clients which can help us feel more in control of our stress levels.
Imagine you have a balloon that is full of air. The air represents your stress. During the day, air is added when the various stresses get pumped into it. As we’ve seen, there are many stresses that cannot be got rid of entirely, but you do have the power to deflate that balloon!
What do you like to do? What makes your heart lift? Think of a few things that calm and comfort you or that make you feel happy and alive. They could be simple; a walk, listening to music, a dance, gardening, a swim, drawing, yoga or reading. You may think about things that you look forward to such as weekends away, seeing friends, surfing, paddle boarding, picnics etc. Make your own list and incorporate these into your daily life. Notice I didn’t say ‘try to’ incorporate..? That’s because, treating these as necessities, even blocking time out in your diary for them, is essential for managing stress. You see, these are the things that let air out of your balloon! You may not always be able to control what goes in but you can empty some of that stress out!
Be aware of your balloon during the day. You’ll know when it’s getting full. Signs of anxiety and stress are unique to each of us but there are some very common ones such as tightness in the chest, shaky and/or sweaty hands, nausea, tight throat and feeling like you can’t get enough oxygen. Other signs include procrastination, ‘doomscrolling’, craving alcohol, sweets or drugs, snapping at other people, headaches, picking at fingers, chewing fingernails, tapping your pen. We all have little ‘tells’ and if we pay attention to our bodies, we’ll know we need to utilise one of our ‘deflation activities’.
If you’re a visual person, like me, you may find it helps to write some of your ‘deflators’ down or draw pictures as prompts. Alternatively, record yourself on a voice memo listing a few of the things that relax you. When we are stressed or fall into an anxiety pit, the logical part of our brain goes offline and it can be hard to recall what helps us. Having it all ready to grab to read or listen to, can save time.
In this picture, you can see a list of ‘inflators’, ‘deflators’ and personal observations of stress in an example person. You can have fun creating yours- use colour, pictures and spider grams if you like, or stick to traditional lists. Or keep it all in your head or a voice memo. Whatever works.
If you keep a journal, you may want to record how full your balloon is, or how it has been throughout the day.
When we are very busy, we are often more stressed, we can start to drop some of the ‘deflation’ activities in order to ‘get more done’. However, these are the times we need our deflators more! Building a habit of looking after yourself and making it one of your priorities is going to positively impact your mood and even your productivity. After deflating your balloon, having a break, you’ll have more energy and brain space to tackle life. You’ll have more patience and less resentment. Self-care is not selfish. If your balloon bursts, you’ll be able to do very little, for yourself or for others. That is why we need to schedule time in for deflators as well as recognising when we need to engage in an impromptu deflation activity, to keep our balloon soft and squishy instead of tight and ready to burst.
